What if

Recalculating.  Recalculating.  Recalculating.

Do you remember being on a road trip using a map system and either by choice or by accident, you defied the directions you were given and suddenly that voice would come over your car stereo or GPS system.... "Recalculating".  Sometimes the directions would recalculate going in the direction you chose and sometimes it would tell you to turn around.   There were times that I appreciated it and was glad to have the direction and other times, when I knew I was going the way I wanted, I would get frustrated.  Whether or not I was in the mood to hear the voice telling me where to go, I did appreciate that I had a guide for my trip.

So here I am, on this life trip, and I am desperately seeking direction.  Oh how I wish I could plug in a few pieces of information and be given a map for my life.  I've been frustrated lately.  I want to do something more.  But what?  Work full time?  Go back to school?  Volunteer more?  Write?  I have a restlessness in my soul.  I am praying.  I am seeking counsel from friends and family.  I am waiting.  I am praying some more.

If my mind were a car I would have been pulled over for erratic driving!  I would be constantly switching directions.  The more information I seem to take in, the more confused I seem to become.  And then something happens, I get stuck.  I can't pick a destination so I go nowhere.  

Think about that for a moment.  We have a choice to move, yet because we are unsure, uncertain, we go nowhere.  In the context of my travel life, I can't imagine if because I didn't know exactly how the trips I went on would end, I just chose to stay home.  I would have missed out on meeting my relatives in Ikaria, Greece, stepping into the home my Yiayia's family lived in and  a trip of a lifetime with 20 of my big fat Greek family members.  I would have never seen the Colosseum in Italy, experienced the amazing food, wine and people of Tuscany and understood why seeing "The David" in person leaves you in awe.  And most recently, SCUBA diving!  I was nervous and intimidated at the thought of getting certified.  With the pushing of my husband I did it.  We were able to see the most beautiful fish, coral and sea creatures in the Bahamas because I said "yes".  And, we did something together that we both enjoyed.

What is it for me?  Fear.  I want to know that outcome.  What if I choose work and I don't like it?  What if it's too stressful for my family?  What if I go back to school and it's too much?  I'm almost 50, is it fiscally responsible?  What if I try writing and no one reads?  What if I fail?  What if I change my mind?  

But what if I do nothing at all?  Then,  I will surely remain "stuck" and this life will move on without me.  God is pressing upon me the importance of taking action.  Just do.  If I head in the wrong direction, His voice will tell me to "recalculate".  It won't have been for nothing.  I will have seen and learned some new things along the way.  And then, I can set out on a new destination and see what awaits. 

What if this journey is meant to be enjoyed and not feared?  What if what awaits me is more than I imagined.  What if.